Three minutes. That is how long the first dance lasts, and somehow it carries more symbolic weight than the entire rest of the playlist. It is the one song the two of you will be photographed dancing to, the one your parents will remember, and the one that will be playing in the background of every video taken from the wrong angle.
The good news is that picking it is not nearly as hard as the pressure suggests. Here's how to do it, and forty-plus songs to start from.
There is no perfect song, and that's the point
Couples stall on the first dance because they are hunting for a song that sounds like their whole relationship in three minutes. No song does that. What a good first dance song actually needs is simpler: you both like it, you can sway to it, and it will still mean something when you hear it at a tenth anniversary.
If a song would make you both laugh in the car, that's a better test than whether it made a best-of list.
The three-question filter
Run every candidate through three questions. One: do we both actually like it, or does one of us just tolerate it because it's romantic? Two: can we move to it without choreography, because most of us will be doing the slow shuffle rather than a routine? Three: will the lyrics still make sense in thirty years, or are they about a relationship ending?
If it passes all three, stop searching. You have found your song.
The songs every wedding overplays
None of these are bad songs, which is precisely why they are everywhere: the same handful of ballads has soundtracked most UK weddings for the last decade. If you want yours to feel like yours rather than like the last wedding you attended, it's worth knowing what the defaults are before you choose them.
The usual suspects are the slow Ed Sheeran ballads, the John Legend one, the Christina Perri one, and the Elvis one. Lovely, all of them, and you will hear them at every wedding this year. Choose them deliberately if they're truly your song, not because they're what a first dance is supposed to sound like.
Forty-plus ideas, by vibe
Slow and classic: At Last by Etta James, The Way You Look Tonight by Frank Sinatra, Can't Help Falling in Love by Elvis, Unchained Melody by the Righteous Brothers, Stand By Me by Ben E. King.
Indie and alternative: First Day of My Life by Bright Eyes, I'm Yours by Jason Mraz, Ho Hey by the Lumineers, Such Great Heights by Iron & Wine, Bloom by the Paper Kites.
Soul and Motown: Let's Stay Together by Al Green, Signed Sealed Delivered by Stevie Wonder, Ain't No Mountain High Enough by Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrell, This Will Be (An Everlasting Love) by Natalie Cole.
Acoustic and stripped: Better Together by Jack Johnson, All of Me by John Legend, I Get to Love You by Ruelle, Turning Page by Sleeping At Last, Never Stop by SafetySuit.
Country and folk: Amazed by Lonestar, Bless the Broken Road by Rascal Flatts, I Cross My Heart by George Strait, Make You Feel My Love by Bob Dylan, Thinking Out Loud by Ed Sheeran.
Upbeat and fun: You Make My Dreams by Hall & Oates, I Wanna Dance with Somebody by Whitney Houston, September by Earth Wind & Fire, Crazy Little Thing Called Love by Queen, Happy by Pharrell Williams.
Modern and underplayed: Beyond by Leon Bridges, Best Part by Daniel Caesar and H.E.R., Lover by Taylor Swift, Say You Won't Let Go by James Arthur, Perfect by Ed Sheeran.
Cut it, or make it a medley
Most first dances are three and a half minutes of the same sway, and three and a half minutes is a long time to be the only two people moving while everyone films you. Two minutes is the sweet spot. Ask your DJ or band to fade it, or build a short medley: a minute of something slow that becomes something everyone runs onto the floor for. That transition is the moment the whole room remembers.
The week before
Practise once, in the shoes you'll be wearing, on a floor roughly the size of your dancefloor. You don't need a routine, but you do want to know you can turn without standing on the dress. Then put the song on your wedding site's music list and stop thinking about it: the song is chosen, the rest is just dancing.